My Day of Reckoning

The day began like any ordinary day…except no coffee, no food, hospital bags packed and an empty pit feeling in my stomach. Today was finally the day of my Hysteroscopy/Laparotomy.
Off we bundled in the car..Mom, my B and I…raced through the traffic to get there at 8:45 sharp..we were told be to there at nine and today was one day, we were not going to be late. Checked into the hospital and then we waited…waited…waited…It was actually quite a traumatic wait. You see, the Linkwood Hospital, I only discovered recently, is a maternity hospital. So while you are waiting, a stream of pregnant women or recently “given birth” women pass you….here you are sitting waiting to have your uterus cut open so that you can have a baby and then you are confronted with a stream of “in your face” pregnancies. Obviously, it is more pronounced when you are full of anxiety..like I was.

Anyway, they eventually took me into ward at about 12:30. It was honestly, like a production line in the ward.

There were 14 women scheduled to be operated on. I was very saddened when I looked at them all..all of us putting ourselves through this just so that we can have what comes so naturally for many others.

The anesthetist’ was brilliant…very kind to me. I think he felt very sorry for me because I did not stop crying. When they wheeled me through to surgery, I was crying…waving and crying at my poor B standing, watching me, looking quite lost. I was still crying when they put me under .

I awoke to feel the most excruitiating pain in my groins. God alone knows that I should not be feeling like this. My B and mom stayed with me all the time. My B did not let go of my hand. My poor B! He has gone through all of this with me and did not leave my side for one moment…how can I ever express my love and gratitude to the universe for sending me this love..Words seems so lost in meaning.

I was booked in on Tuesday…and by Wednesday, I was feeling a little better…still very sore but still very drugged up. My mind frame started to shift. I did not see myself being a mother if I had to go through this again. No way. No chance in hell. Forget It. NO-ONE was going to change my mind. I personally think that anyone who voluntary goes for a caeser is loop de loop…crazy…frikken mad…cause it is F….ing sore.

My B was there every evening when I fell asleep. He would hold my hand until I feel asleep. He was there every morning when I opened my eyes…like an angel sent from up above. And on my day of discharge he was there before everyone…he packed my bags, bundled me into the car and drove at +/- 20 kms per hour from the hospital…and anyone who knows my B knows that he is a Michael Schumacher is a “Bakkie”

So now I am at home..hoping to get some TLC and lots of food…pizza tonight…yipeee