Good Luck Wilmatjie

Today was my Assistant, Wilmas, last working day before giving birth. She is going in on Wednesday for a caesar......Good luck Wilmatjie..I will hold the fort for you whilst you are gone

Here are some pictures :

Me, Wilma and Rayleen (my Receptionist)

Pregnant bellies Galore...big Belly, small Belly

The Bloody Spotting

I am so angry right now....the spotting and cramps are back.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am trying to remain calm and not over react. At the moment, the cramps are the same and the spotting is brown...Calm...calm...calm...

I phoned my B and went through the symptons with him. We have both agreed to monitor the situation....if it worsens we will go for another scan. In the meantime, I will take things easy.

At the moment, my mind remembers that my Brat was strong on Friday, heart rate of 169...that is a good beat..there are no reasons for me to think otherwise. I still have my "wonderful" morning sickness and horrible tasting mouth.

But, I am angry..why can my Brat not just chill and give Mommy a break....Why Can I not just be normal for a change...I cannot make a baby in the normal way...Now, when I am pregnant, it looks like I am going to be one of those woman who has terrible morning sickness and spotting...grrrrrrrr....can you feel my pain?????????

I know... I am grumpy right now. Tomorrow will be a better day...

Forgive me Universe...I do love my baby and I am very grateful to be pregnant

My Scare

My Little Brat is starting to form the reputation of being a "Brat"......already it is giving its Mommy grey hairs.....I think that I am going to have to start stocking up on rescue tablets...smile

My day started as normal yesterday. A little bit of cramping, which I have come to ignore as my body going through its changes. However, when I got to work the cramps "jumped up a notch"...they became quite uncomfortable. I tried to ignore them and continue...thinking it is all in my head. Then at about 3:30 in the afternoon, I got to the toilet and what do I see....my panties are covered with brown spotting...I panic....cramping + spotting = miscarriage.

No...this cannot be happening to me.....never...not me...it cannot.

I get back to my office, get Vitalab on the phone...no nurse available. They will phone me back. Call my "new"Gynae (who I have not even seen). He has left for the day but his assistant tells me to put up a Cyclogest and take it easy. Vitalab return my call.. they tell me to come in tomorrow at 7 for a scan....HOW THE F*#$ DO I MAKE IT UNTIL TOMORROW!!!!!!!

My assistant comes into my office (her baby is due 19May)...I tell her what is happening. She panics which makes me panic. Her last miscarriage was at 10 weeks.... I call my B, not available. I call my sister C...breakdown in tears...break her down in tears.

And then a ray of sunshine walks into my door...it is my B..he had come to fetch me early. My Protector is here. I feel better and more controlled. Get home and try and relax. Spotting has stopped but cramping is still there.

Get up in the morning, race of to Vitalab. Get onto the scan bed, explain to Dr V what happened. He sticks up his Dildo scan and what does he see "NOTHING"...my little Brat is lying fast asleep in my womb..heart rate 169..measurement 38.4 mm. Nothing is wrong with anything.

Demon child..gave Mommy such a fright.

I know that sometimes I am a real Drama Queen but I can honestly say..I really was scared yesterday.....my mind went around in circles...

Fortunately the angels were smiling on me...and protected me. And Like my B says "My babes...nothing is going to happen...our Brat is written in the Stars"

Am I Just Plain Ungrateful?

This is a wierd kinda post...

I sat in the bath yesterday with my B, and I was moaning again about how unwell I am at the moment...always moaning, always groaning....what the hell has come over me?

I am generally a happy lucky go kinda girl...I have always been a tough cookie who does not complain about the niggly nagglys in life.....BUT this has all changed since I have fallen pregnant.

I am probably the most miserable person I know right now...and I hate it.

I am so scared that I will not enjoy my pregnancy...I am so scared that I will become one of those miserable pregnant woman that everyone avoids...I am so scared that this spills over into my new born and I become a miserable mother....grrrrrr...so many things I am afraid off.

Our counsellor told me on Saturday to stop looking into the future. I need to focus on living one day at a time...surviving today....

Well let me tell you about today....................................

Woke up this morning, felt very nausea's..went to brush teeth...started to throw up..could not make it to the toilet and landed up throwing up in the basin. I then moved to toilet and continued the process. After that session, I blew my nose...blood again. It has been bleeding everyday. Get back into bed for ten minutes, just to get a grip...all I can smell is my dogs..they stink...yuck...I am going to throw up again. ....Oh my word...is that cigarette smoke I smell...yuck...I am going to throw up again..I manage to get dressed and take a look at myself in the mirror. I look like Angelina Jolie with my swollen, fever blisters all over my lips. My face is pale and my hair is just limp.....But if you ask me, I am going to say " I am feeling fine, Thank you"

The only thing that I can consistently hold down is sugar water....

On the bright side.....1) I am pregnant.......2) I am loosing weight

All I ask is that the world allow me this pity party and love me through it.....I am very happy that I am pregnant.

In the meantime I will continue my chant " This too shall Pass....This too shall Pass....This too shall Pass...This too shall Pass"

Oh dear...please excuse me....somebody is making toast in the office...I think I am going to throw up

My Second Scan

Today was the day my second scan took place. .....to date I have really been a miserable monster......I moan and groan all the time about feeling sick. I think I have driven my family dilly with my gripes. My poor B has been an absolute superstar. He has cooked every night, made lunch every day, feed the animals twice a day ....and basically run the household whilst I slept away my morning sicknes....Thank you my B, you are my superstar... (mind you, it is your bloody fault I am in this situation...smile)

Scan went well. Our little Brat is 24.4mm with a heartrate of 169. When Dr J put up his famous Dildo Cam, our little one was swinging its arms and legs...too bloody cute. For the first time, my heart melted. This little bean inside of me is real....very real.

Dr J tells me that I am 9.5 weeks preggies...which means in another 2.5 weeks I will be out of the first trimester...wow..how quickly does time go. It feels like yesterday, I was getting all prepped for our first IVF.....

I could not get my picture of the scan, scanned nicely...so one of the girls at work took a photograph and emailed to me....xcuse the huge flash on the top...I will get my B to do another one soon.

At the bottom of the picture you will be a black sac with a smudge inside it. The bigger end of the smudge (on the left hand side) is the Brats head...