Work has been hectic. My Assistant, Wilma, had her baby..a beautiful little boy called Dewald..weighed in at 3.3 kgs. So basically, I have been doing my job and her job...kept me very occupied. Have just gone through month end..and had to put on my "focus" cap. I am always amazed how kick ass I can be when I need to. When the pressure is on at work, I deliver....and actually enjoy it.
On the pregnancy note, I am still suffering from all ailments you can think of...here is the lists
1. Hair loss
2. Metal taste in mouth
3. Daily nose bleeds
4. Daily gum bleeds
5. Tiredness
6. Burping
7. Cramping
8. Spotting
9. Backache
10. And my personal favourite, nausea accompanied by daily sessions of talking to my porcelain friend...which is aggravated more by the daily 5 tablets that I have to take
Now normally, I believe in mind over matter...but I have really taken major strain over the last week. I have slipped into a "major" depression. I have been unable to get my mind around positive thinking...I wake up every morning saying "Today is going to be a Good day"...I then greet my porcelain friend and all positiveness flushes away.
I have been so flat I have not even been able to comment on my normal blogs that I visit. I have thrown Fertilicare by the wayside (at the moment) because, honestly, I am battling to be positive. How can I tell someone that just got her BFN that I am sorry...when here I am pregnant and moaning....oh dear..I sound just awful
I have many a day burst into tears and said to my B "I cannot take this any more...two months of vomiting"...."I hate being pregnant"....I prayed to the the Universe to please help..either ease the nausea or give me the tools to cope. Help me, please...this is what I have wanted for so long.
To top off my "fantastic" mood, my poor B has been without Nookie nooks since the beginning of March and had starting to look at me with squint eyes. Okay, before you think that I am just cruel, understand...we started IVF end Feb...my B had a testicular biopsy (so was out of action)..I then fell pregnant and Vitalab told us under no circumstances must we have "intercourse" until 9 weeks...we listened. Then at 9 weeks, I started spotting...freak out...!!!!! But besides that, I was hurling all day long and I was not in the slightest bit interested in being amorous. Then came my 13 week scan which just topped off a fantastic pregnancy so far
I know, I know...this whole blog post is so pathetic..so full of me! me! me! me!..and self pity...
Well, my B and I had a huge fight on Sunday night...we do not fight...I think we have maybe 4 arguments a year. I cried myself to sleep. But, in the hindsight, it was the best thing to happen to me. My B is my world and is very patient with me. People who know my B will tell you, my B adores me and would do anything it required to protect me. He is a good man and deserves to be treated well
So, when I woke up Monday morning, I had a good look at me...and realised that the problem lies with me. I started to think about "What if I was pushing my B into another womans arms and he leaves me".....(freaky stuff, I know, because my B would never do something like that).
So, I have tried to change my attitude....I am eating all day but small meals to ease the morning sickness. I make sure that I have fruit on me in the car so that I am not nausea when I get home. I am trying to keep my mind very occupied so that I do not think about what my body is doing. And best of all, my B got some Nookie nooks...so he is in heaven at the moment and cannot stop smiling...hee hee!
Please, if you read this blog, I am very happy to be pregnant...I want our baby very much..I think I am just going through a phase in my life where I needed to hit a bottom level so that I can grow some more.
I am currently on my 4th day without vomiting..and I am very proud - SCRAP THAT ONE....I went 3 day without vomiting...
The Universe sent me all the ailments with my pregnancy to make me stronger, to make me appreciate my B even more..and in the end, to make me the best Mom in the world.
Thank you Universe
PS..We still do not know if our little Brat is a boy or a girl...we will find out hopefully at our 16 weeks scan next Wednesday.
10 comments:
oh sweetie don't feel bad, we all know that you want this baby very very much. you're just feeling yuck and its ok to wallow and be miserable.
it has to end sometime.
when it does you will be that beautiful glowing preggy woman and enjoy every moment of what remains of your pregnancy.
You are whining like a real pregnant woman! Hahahaha those hormones have definitely kicked in ;-) It's downhill from here hahahahahahahaha You haven't even got porridge brain yet!
Hey Brats
I just wanna say that I think it's totally normal to feel the way you do. Hell to be sick like that all the time is enough for one to freak out and be miserable! You're having a hard time and you're only human :-)
I hope the MS stays away and you can start glowing like the star you are. Thanks for updating your blog I've been wondering how you are :-)
xxx
I had an awful pregnancy with Ava and was miserable for most of it and I didn't have to deal with half of the c#$p you are, so don't feel guilty at all. Just some warning, there will probably be a few more teary arguments and just wait for when that little girl (yes, my vote is for girl) arrives, there'll be a few more but it's worth it, it's worth it,it's worth it and this difficult time will be forgotten in the blink of an eye.
You poor thing. Nobody thinks you are not appreciative, hell those symptoms sound bloody awful!!! Now I can see why you're telling me not to wish it on myself!
Tell you what though, you deserve a break - hope they all take a hike soon!
P.S. My poor DH hasn't got any nookie in a looooong time. The poor guy. I can't help it - that progesterone stuff is NOT pleasant....but tonight was my last one!
Oh Bratty, sorry you are not feeling well. You know, to be positive you need to be well-rested and have energy while at the moment it seems like most (all) of your energy is going to Little Brat, so no need to present your excuses for feeling the way you do. We all know by now, that Little Brat is a v. naughty LO ;-)).
Be strong Bratty, you are doing Great !
You might be feelin mizzy, but you're looking lovely!! So not all bad in the preggy zone, Bratty!! Definitely going to be a boy...otherwise you'd be looking all pimply and ugly right now....little boy hormones make us "glow" ....and you're most definitely glowing (unless it's because you finally had some nookie!!) Heehee!! :D
Sorry that you are feeling so poo, my darling! I've realised that your quietness of late must be due to alot of angst and constant nausea.
Thinking of you always.
xx Lisa-Marie
Oh Bratty, I'm sorry that this pregnancy is (must be) not at all what you expected. And even though I'm sure it doesn't make you feel any better I know this saying 'this, too, shall pass'. It will, and the prize at the end of it will be amazing. Hopefully you feel better very soon and can enjoy some of it, even though by that time the discomfort starts .... Oh man, it's not easy. (But worth it) Thinking of you. Vanessa
It's totally understandable Brats, there is nothing quite like feeling completely physically depleted to make you crack emotionally. I'm sending you energy healing every day, hopefully it will help a bit. And I heard very sweet grapes are good (get blood sugar up). Hang in there. This too shall pass!
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