My Second Scan

Today was the day my second scan took place. .....to date I have really been a miserable monster......I moan and groan all the time about feeling sick. I think I have driven my family dilly with my gripes. My poor B has been an absolute superstar. He has cooked every night, made lunch every day, feed the animals twice a day ....and basically run the household whilst I slept away my morning sicknes....Thank you my B, you are my superstar... (mind you, it is your bloody fault I am in this situation...smile)

Scan went well. Our little Brat is 24.4mm with a heartrate of 169. When Dr J put up his famous Dildo Cam, our little one was swinging its arms and legs...too bloody cute. For the first time, my heart melted. This little bean inside of me is real....very real.

Dr J tells me that I am 9.5 weeks preggies...which means in another 2.5 weeks I will be out of the first trimester...wow..how quickly does time go. It feels like yesterday, I was getting all prepped for our first IVF.....

I could not get my picture of the scan, scanned nicely...so one of the girls at work took a photograph and emailed to me....xcuse the huge flash on the top...I will get my B to do another one soon.

At the bottom of the picture you will be a black sac with a smudge inside it. The bigger end of the smudge (on the left hand side) is the Brats head...

Is It a Boy?

I had to laugh at my sisters yesterday.......My sister C is convinced my Brat is a boy, My Sister D was convinced it was a girl but has since changed her mind because of the morning sickness.....

I personally believe it is a little boy.....His name will be Leroy Lance...(I do have a girls name too)

So I found a website with all the Old Wives tales on it....and thought I would answer some of the questions...just to cause some more confusion

It's a boy if:

You didn't experience morning sickness in early pregnancy - I have morning sickness
Your baby's heart rate is less than 140 beats per minute -Heart beat 133(at the moment)

You are carrying the extra weight out front - too early to answer this one
Your belly looks like a basketball - too early to answer this one
Your areolas have darkened considerably - Oh hell..looks like two brown pancakes
You are carrying low - too soon
You are craving salty or sour foods - Hating all foods at the moment
You are craving protein -- meats and cheese - Cannot cope with meat and cheese...yuck
Your feet are colder than they were before pregnancy - It is winter in JHB..of course my feet are cold

The hair on your legs has grown faster during pregnancy - No Comment
Your hands are very dry - not that I have noticed
Your pillow faces north when you sleep - yupp my pillow faces north
Dad-to-be is gaining weight, right along with you - I think he could be loosing weight...running around taking care of all my needs
Pregnancy has you looking better than ever - Is that before or after I say hello to my porcelain friend
Your urine is bright yellow in color - BRIGHT yellow
Your nose is spreading - I hate my nose
You hang your wedding ring over your belly and it moves in circles - Have not tried it
You are having headaches - I thought headaches were because I am starving
You add your age at the time of conception and the number for the month you conceived and the sum is an even number - Total is 40

Gotta love BFF

Well today, I am feeling absolutely awful. I have already said hello to my porcelain friend a couple of times today. I am practically falling asleep at my desk.....then I get an email from my BFF


"Hey you are neglecting your blog and more importatly Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee. How are you feeling, what is happening and more importantly were are some photos?????????????????? Don't make me come there and kick your butt :-P "

I respond :
"Hi friend….I am so busy at the moment with the auditors…but I am sooooo sick……I am sleeping my life away. I am throwing up all the time. Cannot think of anything nice to eat….every just makes me feel sick…Hating it at the moment"

She responds
"Aaaah my friend I'm soo sorry but I still have to laugh! Welcome to the all day sickness gang ;-) Only two months to go!!!"


I respond
"Fuck off"

Her finally response:
"Love you too my friend :-D
Just remember you paid good money to feel like that haha.
Now update your blog, we are all waiting for your latest news...and photos!!!"

Good reminder to me to be grateful that I am where I am....Oh my Universe..did you have to give me morning sickess 24 7.?

So this is my blog update for today...

And just so that I do not look totally ungrateful..I am truly happy to be pregnant. My little Brat is 8 weeks old and this what my Brat looks like. Amazing!!!!!!!

I read an article recently that says "The stronger the morning sickness, the higher the IQ"....well, then I am gonna have one smart Brat...smile


Thank you Universe for all the morning sickness

My First Scan

I am sorry that I have been so slack with the whole scan update thing....but I am really not up to anything lately....my morning sickness starts when I open my eyes to when I close my eyes at night....I have thrown up a handful of times ...but the constant nausea, all day long, is tiring. I am exhausted the whole day. I could go to sleep on command. My beautiful B has had to put up with my nonsense.....besides the fact that he cooks every night, there is no nookies and I am total bitch right now. I can bite heads off....smile....

My boobies are HUGE....move over Mrs Anderson....they are not sore but I have a mapwork of beautiful big blue veins. My nipples are very large. I think I am going to have a boy because it is obvious he is sending all the hormones to my bust....smile. My belly is already swollen...it must be my little Brat at work cause I am definitely not overeating. At the moment, I can only handle fresh fruit and veggies...and I nibble all day to keep my nausea monster at bay.

Last night, I feel like Chinese Beef Chow Mein (had to be noodles). Whilst we were waiting, I turned to my B and said "Babetjies, I know that I wanted to be pregnant...but right now, I am wondering what the F$$$ I got myself into"........to which he growled at me...."Don't talk like that"....so I shut up and continued to feel sorry for myself...smile

Our first scan was an awesome, frightening, overwhelming experience. First, Vitalab was running late....so we went in an hour and a half later....by this stage, I am totally stressed. We get shown to our "little dark" room...and I hop on the bed and get ready for Dr J.. In walks Dr J, all formal...pulls out the Dildo scan probe, pulls on the condom and smears it with lube...I do not know about you girls, but that thing is really horrible. Anyway, he continues....on the screen appears this large black blob...Dr J tells us that it is the pregnancy sack...BUT WHERE IS THE BABY...both me and my B start stressing...my heart is aching and I thinking back to all the stories about empty baby sacks. Dr J wiggles the probe...and there is the corner is this little pulsating blob..."Is that our baby?" "Yupp, that is your baby"...my eyes fill with tears whilst Dr J pumps up the volume and we hear the most beautiful sound....tharump tharump...our baby is alive. My tears fall from my eyes....I am so blessed.

Dr J shows us the formation of the placenta/afterbirth....he then measured our little Brats "gut"...and told us that he is very pleased to see the gut formation cause that is a good sign. Our little Angel measured 10mm with a heart rate of 133. Both my B and I sat in silence during the scan...we were too overwhelmed by this gift in my body that already controlled our hearts.

Our next scan is scheduled for the 29 April 2010.....

Here is our scan picture...to the untrained eyes there is nothing...so I will teach you. In the middle you will see a big blob...and to the right middle hand side of the blob there is a smudge...that is our Brat...damn cute hey!!!!!!!

Temporarily Out of Order

Please accept apologies for lack of blog update.....I am really just getting to grips with my auditors/month end and morning sickness.

I will be back shortly

Scan

Only one more sleep....sorry cannot write anymore..battling to stay focused.

Count Down

5 more sleeps...yupp...thats how many until I have my first scan. I am extremely nervous. My body is sending out all the "signals" that I am pregnant....but my mind is acting with caution.

I know too many story's about vanishing babies at the scan..empty sacs...I am too nervous to fully throw myself into this. And the mind is a tricky little bitch. She will let me believe I am pregnant.....

So far, my breast are really swollen. My areola have definitely gone much bigger. Blue veins are showing on my breasts. But they are not yet sore??? I am not feeling good anymore..not quite sure how to describe it..but not quite nausea..just under the weather. I am totally off coffee (my little addiction)...tea has become the choice of the day. I am constantly tired...by 10 o'clock in the morning, I could climb back into bed. ...OOOO.hhh...almost forgot. I go to the toilet 3 millions times a day. My staff are threatening to make me buy my own toilet paper...smile

I am still cramping alot...some more intense than others. Some feel like a stitch in my side. Others feel like indigestion. Some are a shooting pain down my leg. I have been reassured that this is quite normal as long as no bleeding accompanies it. It still does not feel good...some days I have such severe cramping, I almost expect to see bleeding.....

My B looked at me this morning when I jumped out the shower..and proudly announced..."My babetjies..you are like..sooooo..pregnant". My body is changing shape. I am slowly loosing my waist.

I still do not believe that this is happening..I am not even 7 weeks pregnant. How can my body be reacting so quickly.....

Anyway...5 more sleeps

Wowee....What a Day?

Today has been a very eventful day....I have the Auditors in at the moment...so far, so good. The person I blogged about yesterday, approached me and told me that she was not rolling her eyes at my BFP, but at something else....admittedly not a nice thing to do..but we sorted it out and, like adults, decided...yupp..maybe we should start over again. I like that idea. Sometimes in life you get off on a wrong footing...It is nice to just scrap a crappy start and create a new better memory

My BFF is going through hell at the moment. I am not going to go into details...but trust me, it is hell. I am worried about her....and wish that she lived closer. In that way, I could provide her with a better support system and kick the arse of all those hurting her...

But, anyway, on a positive note, she sent me an email today. She has finally bought a book I have been nagging her to read. It is called "Woman who Love too Much"...

I was so happy...I picked up the phone and called my B...and his response, flattened me...
He said "Well, my baby, sometimes you need to be knocked flat on your back to notice the stars"
I was, like, Wow....that is so true. I thought about it the whole way home. I looked around and saw the most magnificent sunset..to me, this was a sign that I have had a good day, made good decisions and this is my reward

I am a real fairy child...I believe in anything and everything positive. If it is gives you hope...then I am a believer. If it puts a smile on your face...then I am a believer. If it gives you reason to live...then I am a believer (no...this is not Shrek).

I believe in fairies, I believe in God, I believe in the Universe, I believe in Tarot, I believe in Past life's, I believe in this life, I believe in the next life, I believe in Signs...I am constantly looking for natural signs..like a feather in front of a baby store...like birds playing in a fountain

Now, this might be amusing....but, hey..I learnt long time ago, not to sit on my Throne and judge. If a little statue makes a person a better person, If a couple of cards strewn across a table, makes a person treat the world with respect, If a beautiful sunset reminds a person that God gave you life, then who am I to judge?

I am still pregnant....yupp, breasts are still swollen. No other symptoms though...unless I have made then up..smile. I called Vitalab the other day and asked if I could go for another Beta. Nurse J says "Why?", I respond "Cause I am paranoid"..Nurse J says "Are you bleeding?" I say "No" so Nurse J says "No, you cannot go for a bloodtest". It took my B the whole Afternoon to roll up my lip off the floor....hee hee

I am going for my scan on the 14th April 2010...and I booked my Gynae appointment on the 19th May 2010.

Today, I am eternally grateful that I was given that Gift of life and I carry a child...

The Ugly Side of a BFP

I was not quite sure I wanted to blog about this or not...but after it has played on my mind all weekend, I decided to let it out. Hey, this is my blog and my thoughts. You are free to read it..if you do not like it...then click the little X on the top right hand corner.

I have always regarded myself as level headed. Despite my lifes experience, I have always managed to see through the darkness and carry on. I have always given my support to those in need. I look for the good in people. I look for reasons to celebrate life

So here goes...the other night I was very excited to be out with the girls..I was meeting new people. Well to cut the story short..my BFP was met with rolled eyes. Many times during the night, I would speak and my words were met with more rolled eyes. It was not a hidden motion. It was "in my face". I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I could not wait to get home to my B...to be protected by him.

The sad part was I am prepared to overlook this negative reaction because of where they are in their lives....but they are not prepared to give me the time of day because of where I am in my life. They have prejudged me and not given me a chance to be a friend.

I almost felt like I regretted getting a BFP on my 1st IVF....I felt that they felt I have not walked this path for long enough to be classified as an "infertile"....but they do not know me..they do not know the path I have had to walk to get here.

So heres a little summary

1. From age seventeen through to 32, I was involved in an abusive relationship/marriage with resulted in alot of physically, mental and emotional abuse...

2. At age 18 I fell pregnant with my Ex's baby...but had a miscarriage in the second month. Gynae gave me a D&C and inserted a "Copper T" without permission

3. From age 21, I wanted children...I tried for a few years...(all those timed cycles)...only to discover that through my ex's abuse of drugs, was no longer producing swimmers... Up until then, I had listened to people telling me I was the problem.

4. My Ex would not look at Donor / Adoption...therefore at a very young age, I had to come to terms with the idea that I would never be a mother....and let me tell you, that is not easy. We are pre-programmed with "Motherhood" and letting that go is a killer

5. Discovered my Ex was sleeping with half of Durban...so I refrained from intercourse with him for the last year of our marriage....only to discover that he was miraculously producing enough sperm to make a little 18 year old pregnant.

6. Met my B...best thing in my life...accepted that we would probably not have children because he had had a vasectomy. Ah well...thats the way life goes..

7. My B made the decision to give me a chance at Motherhood. He went for TESA which showed he had no swimmers. He agreed for us to use Donor Sperm. Never in my life has anyone given so much to me without asking in return. I was so excited. We booked our first Donor IUI at a Sperm Bank. We went through the Clomid...trigger shot and insemination. Not once did we consider the consequences. After the IUI, I felt Raped...I could feel this semen running down between my thighs....My IUI was BFN..naturally. It was a very emotional time for me.

8. Sep 09 -We went for an HSG...to discover I had blocked tubes..

9. Oct 09 - Had both my fallopian tubes removed - thanks to a sexually transmitted disease from my Ex (and his whores)

10 Dec 09 -Discovered I had a growth in my womb....Had a Caesar cut to remove growth..Was off work for one month...there went any chances of a natural birth.

11. During my time with my Ex..I made a decision with my life. I knew that I was never going to be having children. I knew I had alot of eggs in me. So I decided to donate to others who could not have children....I knew the pain of having to face a childless future....I was not going to deny another woman this. I did this three times...so that is equivalent to 3 IVF's (excl ET)

I guess what I am trying to say is "Yes...you are infertile....Yes....you are battling" but that does not give you permission to treat me wrong. In practice, I have been an infertile for 16 years. And I have gone through the process of 4 IVF's

I can never have that miraculous conception..I have no tubes. I can never have that "natural birth plan". I can only have a caesar. Alot of options have been taken away from me....

I must be honest, I never expected this huge open arm welcome..but what I did not expect was the blatant disrespect to the fact that I am human too. I am not a stupid person who can be treated with contempt through no fault of my own.

I am sorry that you could not see the good in me....because I would have been a good friend to you.

But despite this...I wish you all the success in the world. The funny thing is I was excited to meet you.

But then, we all make our choices as to which road we want to travel...